I’m tired of being me

Me meet ME. Roxanne Eleanor Jason I ask myself today: do I even like ME? And what do I like about ME? Do I only like the things that make ME look good in this world. Or can I sit with the mess of ME and here remain. Seated with a million worlds running at once in my mind. Whose world do I choose to frequent. Am I a place that ME wants to visit again and again. Or am I just running and hiding. Is that why my soul is always so tired. Why my body shakes and vibrates when I’m still for a while. Has it taken 28 years to discover that I still need to uncover the depths of ME. Can I admit to not knowing much and strip the contrast from myself. Intellectual, ignorant, creative, mediocre, musician, unoriginal, mainstream, anomaly, writer, barren. Why do I feel so much pressure to answer the question of who I am. What if I never know. Can I sit with the in between. Do I always have to be on a journey of self-improvement. I want to stop trying to be the best me. I want the freedom to just be. And then find myself asking the question: what do I need to DO in order to BE? I need out of this skin, out of this soul. I need objectivity. Oh wait I am analysing again. How do I stride and not strive? Oh wait I’m doing again. Just Be, Roxanne. Maybe the answer is to put the microscope and the check list and all the objective measures away. They say you can’t heal in the same environment that you got sick in. But how do I get out of my own skin. How do I get away from me? Oh I’m doing again, trying to improve me again. Striving again. Just Be, Roxanne. Sigh. I’m so tired of being me.