What does freedom look like to you?

This morning I took part in my 3rd walk for freedom. For those that aren’t familiar: the annual Walk for Freedom is organized globally by the A21 foundation. A21 is an organization that aims to abolish slavery everywhere, forever. For more information on what they do and how you can be involved visit A21.org. This post, however, is not solely about human trafficking or A21. (I support the cause wholeheartedly and I would urge you to go visit A21.org for all the statistics on human trafficking. The first step is awareness and the next is action) That being said, this year, while we walked, we listened to a podcast of different people telling us about the shocking statistics, people’s stories and why they have chosen this cause. Listening to these podcasts there were 2 questions that just kept replaying in my head. The first question forms the basis of what I want to chat about today. And hopefully I can articulate myself and my thoughts through this drug induced haze of a brain. (Yes I did go walk about 5km: maybe less, in a drug infused haze. I am mid flare up: my chronic pain went to code red about 2/3 days ago) The first question: What does freedom look like for you? Is a question that is posed to every survivor of human trafficking. And I thought to myself that I’ve never really asked the question, even though the answer is of vital importance. It’s not a very complicated question on the surface but sometimes these simple questions can spark a revolution or maybe just a rejuvenation of what is already inside. This question stumped me a bit. I don’t think I’ve ever really sat down to think about this answer. See I was born in South Africa in 1990 ; during the abolishing of the apartheid regime. At just 4 years of age I was blissfully unaware that the country I was born in to was having its first free and fair election. And at 28 years of age I can honestly say I haven’t been oppressed. Yes I’ve been judged based on the colour of my skin or my gender but I wouldn’t call those instances oppression. Especially when I know there are people who are truly oppressed all over the world. I would consider myself , as we call it here in South Africa, a born free. And when you have a certain level of freedom, one would not think to question what that means. So when this question was posed on the podcast it stumped me. See, for the past few weeks I have felt caged. Caged by my chronic pain and illnesses, caged by my depression. I cried out to God and, yes, even cursed His name. Why did he give me this life, this faulty body. When I heard that question though it’s as if suddenly I walked out of the fog, got a good distance away and evaluated my life. I realized that I do have freedom. I am sick, my brain and body don’t function as a fellow 28 year olds would. I have about 4/5 different diagnosis all with no cure. I’m not going to die from them (we hope) but they will make my life difficult at best and impossible at worst. These are facts. They are facts but they are not truth. At least not the whole truth. So why would I say I have freedom? Well this occurred to me as I crossed the Nelson Mandela bridge: Freedom is not about your circumstances, your financial situation (I’m currently in medical debt : AGAIN), or even your location. Freedom is a heart condition. Ok so maybe that is easy to say for this middle class, employed, 28 year old. And you would be right to think that. A few weeks ago some of the team in our church went to Kenya, they visited prisons and in one of the prisons the volunteers reported they experienced more freedom in those four walls than in their daily lives in South Africa. If freedom is just about physical location or resources , how do you explain that a 3rd world developing country with no resources for mental health have one of the most effective mental health programs. (Go read up on Zimbabwe’s friendship bench) To me freedom is a condition of the heart. And my heart clearly is not fully there yet. I know this sounds over simplified : simply choose freedom and you’ll be free and if you call now we will also include hope. Terms and conditions apply. Well maybe it is and it isn’t. I think some things are that simple but being human we tend to complicate things. Living with depression I also know that, as much as you want to, sometimes freedom is a choice you can’t seem to make. I believe in the Word. I believe it is completely true from Genesis to Revelation. Therefore verses like 2 Corinthians 3:17 “Now the Lord is the Spirit and where the Spirit of the Lord is there is freedom”, means something to me. See I believe that the Spirit is with me since Jesus himself promised He would leave one better than Himself ; the Holy Spirit. Therefore I have to deduce that I am free because His spirit lives in me. I didn’t set myself free, Grace did that. “Whom the Son sets free is free indeed”. Freedom costs. And Jesus paid the ultimate cost. It’s like going to a restaurant and the meal is already paid for, the thing is if you don’t know that it’s already paid for and therefore don’t collect it: you won’t receive that meal. What I’m trying to say is Freedom is a choice. In fact freedom to me is the freedom to choose. I can choose to believe God, or not believe at all. We may not have all the choices in the world: I didn’t choose the family I was born into. We may even have very minimal choices: think of children born in refugee camps. But I believe we always have a choice. We can choose hope, choose love, choose to keep showing up. Now don’t get me wrong I’m not saying that choosing is easy. I’ve suffered with illness ; mental illness and chronic pain, for years. I did not find these years easy but I still had a choice. I don’t know, but to me that is actually so liberating. That no matter how bad it gets I can choose hope, I can choose to help someone even if it’s just a smile. I can choose to love myself even when my body fails me. We all have the freedom of choice, that’s not an easy thing. And some of us may have very few choices in life. I don’t believe that a choice I made is why I’m sick. I don’t believe that people are raped and abused because of their choices. But Freedom is a heart thing. We can choose to keep our hearts soft. We can choose to let simple pleasures give us joy. In that same breath we all must face the consequences of our choices. Not everything is in our control, but some things are. And if we choose to lie, hurt others, steal etc we will probably face some kind of consequence. Whether that is incarceration or a guilty conscience; there is a consequence to all choice. I must say that I don’t think I could walk away from Jesus , believe me I have tried many times. Following Christ is not an easy thing. But for the mere fact that He took the punishment for my choices, for the fact that He paid my debt Himself. I don’t know how you truly walk away from that. As hard as my heart has gotten : being Christian and chronically ill with mental illness to top it off; I’ve not found a love greater than His sacrificial love. So yes I am free, I have a choice. Freedom to me is the freedom to choose. They may be difficult, impossible choices but I can choose. Maybe that can make all the difference