Do you really love me

No I’m serious: do you really love me. Not the me that is hella loyal, bends over backwards and caters to your every whim. Not the me that easily adjusts to what you need, that learns your love languages and allows you to just be No Do you love the me that pushes you away. The emotional me that interrupts your day. The me that’s prideful and hurtful and retaliates Do you love that me I find myself here striving for your approval and just wanting to hear I’m useful. Wondering if God can see me because the invisibility I feel consumes me. Do you know how much it hurts when you say my life’s dramatic, when you’re aloof while I’m frantic. When you are so cold by not answering my texts. It speaks to that place that says I’m not good enough; not yet So I work hard at being the best me. I put in the hours to try and live righteously. I carve sacrificial love into my soul and let my life bleed. Just trying to deem myself worthy. Worthy of your time and affection but still all I feel is rejection. And there seems to be no recollection of the ways in which you say you made me in perfection? Do you see me. The broken me bleeding on the floor. Covered in hurt and shame and all kinds of sores. Begging for mercy: Oh Lord I implore. Come and save me. Come and raise me. From the death that envelops me. And the darkness that develops in me. I just want to feel adored So tell me : Do you really love me