#WednesdayWisdom
So I’m writing this while sitting in my car because sometimes these posts burn holes in my brain until I get them out. So if this feels like word vomit when you read it, trust me that it feels like that as I am typing.
So on this Wednesday I felt like sharing some wisdom or you know just the stuff that goes on in my head.
Ive been thinking about what it is really like (behind the scenes stuff) to live my life. You know 28, single, chronically ill, Full time job as a neuro physiotherapist, in debt, suffering from anxiety and depression and most importantly Christian.
I mean if I’m honest 90% of what I just gave you as my so called title isn’t great. And I get caught up in these boxes all the time. I have a pretty great imagination so I think of what my life would be like without most of the not so great things I have mentioned. What if I wasn’t sick, what if I wasn’t in debt. And of course I always imagine that my life would be better without these things. But would it really? And does that even matter?
See the world gives us these norms and standards that we subconsciously or even consciously live by. You know: get a degree or 2, get a great job out of varsity and hustle to make money, buy a house by age 25, get married and have kids, travel the world. I’ve done less than half of these things and I’m pushing 30. So I often feel like I’m just failing at this adult thing. But truth is many of us feel that way. I’ve chatted to friends who are financially stable but don’t have a family: they feel this way. I’ve chatted to friends who are traveling and seem to be making it in life and they feel that way. Young families feel this way. We all seem to be silently screaming : “I have no idea what I’m doing”. So I ask the question : if we all don’t think we have reached it (whatever it is) and of everyone feels like they are in crisis ; are we adequately measuring success?
Let me ask you: what is your yard stick? If I measure my life by my surrounding societal norms I’m probably in a lower percentile. I mean I’ve never been out of the country, I don’t own any property, haven’t started my own business. Then again if I measured myself by the fact that my dad grew up dirt poor: our entire family has leveled up. My sisters and I all have degrees. We don’t just have food we have more than we need. My parents have a home paid up. We are living life like it is golden.
So what’s the point here. I guess what I’m trying to say is that we all are measuring ourselves and our lives up to something. However, our scores can change depending on our perspective. I can’t measure my life by your or the worlds yard stick. Scientifically there are just too many variables. And even then we each have many personal yard sticks to choose from. I can measure myself against the privileges my parents hard work afforded me or I can measure it against the prejudice society has against people the same skin colour as mine. I can measure myself against my illness. I can measure myself against my age.
But here is where I start to run in to complications: there are too many yard sticks and influencing factors even in one life. And the truth of the matter is that none of theses things define me. I am not sick, I have an illness. I am not broke, I owe the bank money. I am not defined by my marital status or even my degree and job discription. I am not one thing. Many things, including the ones I have mentioned, have influenced who I am and who I have become. I am Roxanne Eleanor Jason. A name that holds race, age, gender, profession but also a strong will, a sensitive loving heart, a loyalty so fierce, an inner strength so resilient.
To end off let me ask you something that a woman that I have so much respect for always asks:
“Everyone has a title, but do you know your name? - Nicole Jonathan”
Peace, Love and Bubblegum
Die
