What does worship mean to you?

That was one of the questions I got asked when I auditioned for vocals at church. It may be surprising but I was never ready for that question. I was even less prepared when the answer came spewing out. Word vomit. I have moments where I can’t control my gag reflex and words just come pouring past my lips before I have a chance to filter and release them in a neat, easily digestible package. 

The answer that came out wasn’t embarrassing or shocking so I breath a sigh of relief, reliving that moment. My short answer was: worship is my weapon. Which it is. Not to sound too dramatic but: all my life I had to fight. I had to fight my inner dialogue and feelings. I still have to. Worship is my way of reminding my heart and soul of the truth when I seem to be drowning in lies. 

I have depression and anxiety along with other chronic illness. Which means that I live in ditches and dark holes sometimes, where you are numb. In these seasons (which honestly happen often and can last years or months or days) I am a shadow of myself and I don’t know what is real. I don’t feel connected to this world. It’s hard to know who God is, who you are, in times like these. So I’ve learnt to worship even then, and use worship as my weapon against the abyss.

I sing, yes. I love music. I don’t believe that singing makes you a true worshipper though. I believe this simply because of what the Bible says about true worshippers. In John 4: 23-24 (paraphrase) says that True Worshippers must worship in spirit and in truth. This part of scripture tells me this: 1. Worship is not about music, but music can be a form of worship and 2. Worship is not about your feelings, it is about truth

Look I am definitely one of those up in the front worshippers in church. It’s not because I want people to see me though. Actually some of the reason is not all that spiritual. I just really like being up against the stage (somehow it makes me feel like I’m the only one there) and I also love the sound of the band drowning out all around me and the bass from the speakers vibrating through my bones. I’m such a music person. But even in my being front and centre I still don’t always feel it. Does that mean I put on a show: hardly. It just means I press in to God deeper. I have doubled over on a floor in a church, slamming my fist in to the ground and demanding God to show up. I’ve also gone quiet in my numbness and just stood in the midst of other people’s faith and voices and worshipped him in silence.

See worship is definitely a heart thing. That doesn’t mean however that we can only worship him when our hearts are “right”. Worship is that place with God that you can take your lousy heart and He will make it right. 

But up til now we have been mostly talking about the act of worship. Worship is not just an act but it is an attitude. You can live worship. Because worship takes place in your heart and as defined by Webster’s dictionary: is an act of reverence. 

Reverence is this: profound, adoring awe. It is the wonder we have when God continues to reveal himself. When you know who God is, it is actually a natural reaction to live your life in worship to Him. Isn’t that what we are all supposed to be doing? You become like what you worship. We worship God firstly for who He is and secondly for what He has done for us. 

So why do we worship. Or let’s ask the real question that some of us ask: Is God so egotistical to need us to worship Him. Let me put this to you in a nice way: No. God needs no reminding about who He is. Why did God create us: honestly some days I don’t know. I do know God as the ultimate creator though and show me a creator who doesn’t, well,  create. I also know God as Love so everything He does therefore must stem out of love. So what about worship. Why do we worship? Do we need to? Why does it exist. These are big questions and I am not a theologian who is able to give you a half way biblically accurate answer. 

This is what I have come to know: worship does more for me than it does for God. Trust me I’ve thought about this a lot. It actually makes sense because God is love, He made us out of love, He made us in the image of Love (in the image of himself). So naturally He would do something that seems egotistic but actually is for our benefit. When I worship I am the best me. When I worship I am reminded of God in whose image I am made; and so I am reminded of who I am. So yes I believe we need to worship, with our whole lives, in spirit and in truth. And so we are transformed in to the image of God and become well, our best damn selves.